Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
