It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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