I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
