My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize