I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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