If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
