Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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