that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
