He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
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I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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