Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
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Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
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Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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