I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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