Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(352): View more from Florida

I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.

(352): View more from Florida

Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.

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(352): I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself. (352): Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad. http://tfl.nu/hkrc

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(240): View more from Maryland

So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.

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(240): So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak. http://tfl.nu/34fx

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(210): View more from Texas

Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick

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(210): Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick http://tfl.nu/y4fo

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.

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(402): Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER. http://tfl.nu/3m46

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!

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(724): I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it! http://tfl.nu/y71c

Replies (3) Good night (3962) Bad night (1040)
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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.

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(902): Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands. http://tfl.nu/svno

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(901): View more from Tennessee

I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.

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(901): I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony. http://tfl.nu/6cs5

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(480): View more from Arizona

I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.

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(480): I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies. http://tfl.nu/khmt

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(847): View more from Illinois

I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever

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(847): I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever http://tfl.nu/aala

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(760): View more from California

I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.

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(760): I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable. http://tfl.nu/xt8c

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(631): View more from New York

She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat

(1-631): View more from New York

SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.

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(631): She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat (1-631): SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT. http://tfl.nu/se9g

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(303): View more from Colorado

He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago

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(303): He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago http://tfl.nu/p1nu

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(519): View more from Ontario

I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots

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(519): I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots http://tfl.nu/46f2

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(330): View more from Ohio

There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.

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(330): There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists. http://tfl.nu/kdms

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(607): View more from New York

I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.

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(607): I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability. http://tfl.nu/69z6

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