Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex