I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
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I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
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Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.