worst night to have a conscience
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
