im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
