Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
