She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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