I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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