I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize