May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
