i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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