My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize