Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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