i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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