today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
