I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
