I'm eating all of the evidence.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
