Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
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Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
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You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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