im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
