i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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