Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize