Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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