I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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