I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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