Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
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No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
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Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.