I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?