What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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