Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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