If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching her eat just hurts me
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize