Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
