its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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