I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
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I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
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Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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