i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
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And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
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I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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