Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
