I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
