Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
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So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
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That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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