So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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