Who did Billy Mays play for?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
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He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
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I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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