he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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