omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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