i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I need moral support for this bender
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
