She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
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I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
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We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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